OMG will the Updates ever stop?

In respect to Aurik's handicap I will be trying my best to update daily. Plus I burned myself out on that really long post a few weeks ago so from now on the goal is slow and steady... oh yeah, sounds dirty doesn't it!

Touei Gets a Mount

How you like me now!

Daaamn right! The honies can't resist me now. Sure maybe I'm 10 levels behind the next guy but with a generous donation by Rogar the Suxx0r-Hunt0r I'm now rolling in style.


You can catch me on the corner rollin' on dubs.

As you can see, Rogar was nice enough to donate 40g to the "Pimp my WoW Ride Touei Foundation Inc." However, I couldn't just give him the satisfaction of a good deed done.



Dalkstalker, our resident New Zealander, got a little over excited. Now if you know Darkstalker you know what I'm talkning about because the world of Darkstalker is like living in Alaska, the sun never goes down and Darkstalker never calms down.

I don't know what's in the water in New Zealand but Xena grew some testicals and I don't think they've heard of Ritalin yet. After the above screen shot the rest of the conversation went a little like this.

[Guild] [Touei]: NEW ZELAND?!
[Guild] [Touei]: LOLOLOL
[Guild] [Dalkstalker]: ITS NEW ZEALAND YOU NOOB
[Guild] [Dalkstalker]: NOOB LOL ROFL
[Guild] [Touei]: oh sorry, NEW ZEALAND ROFL
[Guild] [Dalkstalker]: HEY STFU
[Guild] [Touei]: LOLOL
[Guild] [Dalkstalker]: LOLOL
etc...

Back to the topic at hand, my sweet-pimpin' tigerhax!


As you can clearly see even when I manage to make a come-up I always somehow also manage to keep it ghetto and chump myself (the universe must remain balanced after all) because after buying my mount I was left with a measly 68 copper (T_T).

Luckily, the flight from Darnassus to Darkshore is free but then I had to sit and beg travelers for spare change to fly anywhere else (like I was really going to run anywhere after going through all the hard work of buying a mount). After about an hour I had managed to /beg my way up to... 68 copper.

So, I sold some bandages and whatever else I could pawn off to the local vendor and took off to Tanaris to do ZF for the 6th time.

Fortunatly one of the homies came through.

Now if I could only get some RL beer money.

AFK = Death

No I'm not talking about going /afk in contested territory. I'm talking about going /afk while auto-following me. I mean, come on if a fat girl sits down infront of you with a cheeseburger is there any possible way you can't punch her? No, I didn't think so. It's an open invitation and Drogan knows this best ^_^v.



Saimin ftw~

I'm guessing all you hoale hamburgers don't know wtf saimin is. You may however know it as Top Ramen. WTF is Top Ramen anyway? What's top about ramen? In Japan it's just "ramen".



I was eating a bowl of saimin and was about to take a bite of noodles when I noticed a dead fly in the soup, and I'm not talking just any ordinary fly. I'm talking one of those monster 10 pound flys (all the bugs on Kauai are 10x larger than anywhere else on the world) with an epic BWL Shiny Green Breastplate with 800 armor, you know those giant flys with the refective green bodies. Plus I could just tell the fucking thing had been stewing in the soup for a long time, getting all those fly juices in the broth.

Then I take a bite of a slice of beef in the saimin (it was a delux saimin with wontons and everything!) and the beef was... well... kinda... crunchy.

And then! I go to take another bite and guess what I see? ANOTHER FUCKING GIANT MUTANT GREEN MC TIER2 GEARED 10LBS FLY!

Maybe by now your asking yourself why I didn't stop eating that shit after the first fly? Well, when you not only have 68 copper in-game but also IRL you don't waste food k!

So I kept eating and with every bite the sensation of knowing that I was sucking down fly-shit saturated soup got worse. I finished the saimin and then puked. GG.

I h3art j00
When you roll with IC you can just feel t3h luv.

About damn time for an update

Okay I've finally gotten around to updating this thing. Everyone's been bugging me to do this so tonight's theme is just that.

Its not like I can just pull uber WoW moments out of my ass to post online so its up to you the nubs to make this happen.



The j-blog has become pretty popular within the circle of Iron Circle (Circle of the cirle get it? Get it? -- I promise it gets better). As a result, people have been coming up to me out of nowhere trying to be creative enough to get on here.

For example, here I am chilling in SW reading the Google News when out of nowhere Aurick comes up to me and offers $20 and a blow for a screenshot of him in my blog. I took the $20 but I hear his /cyborz sux so I left it at that.


kinda makes you wonder what website he just came from doesn't it

Others take a different aproach...


But one thing that will always remain true is that this blog will always present to the readers just how ultra-mega-sexing-uber I am.



Wait a sec, I just re-read that one. I am not a shit healer!! And gadamit quit calling me a chump!

What has IC been up to lately?
because I'm sure your all dieing to know

Well I acctually logged Jabel one day to participate in an IC raid to UBRS to get some guild memebers keyed/flagged/jailbreaked/whatever the fuck you have to do in this game to loot epixxx. I wouldn't know because I'd rather play my priest than sit in MC all damn day.

Anyway. 15 of us ICers zone into UBRS to tear t3h shit up. Unfortunatly I forgot about the whole armor duability thing and soon I looked something like this:


So since IC is too damn cheap to bust out a repair bot for one person who forgot to repair before coming along on an UBRS run (sup with that?) myself and Rockshire (a.k.a. Corn), who was also suffering from lack of armor, took it to a new level. No not 'hard mode' but 'gangsta style'!


poppin' caps in MOBS never felt so good

Rockshire however isn't yet a straight-trippin' balla and more of a homoerotic wanabe so he went topless.

So how did our naked UBRS run end?

PRETTY DAMN GOOD!



I say good because as you can see Vaft died. After the encounter the rest of us promptly hearthed out without giving Vaft a res. Sup now punk! Now whos the shit healer! WAT!

IC FTW

Random /g

Not Much to Report

Just Another Day in the Life

/duel
One-on-one duels? Yeah, tell me another one.


Boy, the last time I tried to duel someone 10 Shamies jumped out of the bushes and threw hacksaws at me. YA RLY!

Clerics

Back before the release of WoW we played a little game called EverQuest. In EverQuest (or EQ as all us cool people know it by) a healer was called a cleric. The great thing about playing cleric in EQ was that since the game was much slower paced than WoW one could often go AFK during the middle of battle, come back about every 5 minutes or so, throw a heal on the tank, and go AFK again. The best part was no one would even realize that their trusty healing companion on whom they all depended to keep the group alive,,, was really watching the Oprah show and not the computer screen.



Now we know why Alliance never wins BGs, www.bash.org



OMG I've been sitting here for 8 hours!

One thing that bothers me about the game is that its structured so you have to play all day long. For those of you who work full-time you might be able to relate to just how time consuming this game can be. Fortunately RL sux big donkey nuts so it doesn't bother us too much that running an instance is an all day event.

So why do we play? To get cool loots. Its the only way to beat the game.


Brokeback WoW

Things have been a little homoerotic on my server as of late. Perhaps this is correlated to the release of Brokeback Mountain, the epic tale of two lonely cowboys who through their struggle help one another to find their souls... and consequently help each other find their penises dirty with poop. (If you don't know what I'm getting at, the movie is about two gay cowboys who hump each other in the cornhole) www.brokebackmountainmovie.com





A month ago or so there was an big hoo-haw about WoW forcibly disbanding a guild because the guild was gay. No not gay as in they would steal your MOB, gay as in all the members wear Brokeback Mountain T-Shirts IRL. It even made the 10 o'clock news.

www.innewsweekly.com/innews/?class_code=Ga&article_code=1172


Chucky-N
real playa for life!


The Chuckster spreads like a cancer cascading down a turbulent waterfall that eventually comes to rest in a rippling pool of love.

A few moments later in /g...

I wish Chucky would do the world a favor and roundhouse kick Brokeback Mountain.

Touei gets a Promotion!

Oh happy days are here again, rejoice!


They're all just mad because I invented the cleansweep.


uberguild.net/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=642
(if you can't follow that link your a nub that needs to register at uberguild.net and try again)

I never fail to show my full support for the guild. Go IC!

Well come on, they still needed 1 more AND they didn't even have a Warlock ready to summon me to Desolace. Can you blame me?

Thanx for the support

I'm really surprised at how many people are enjoying my blog and it encourages me to write more. Thnx 4 t3h luv

/dance

I'm glad Night Elves bust it out like Michael Jackson. Its the reason I play them. Can't wait for the new album to come out! ^_^v

Grouping with Corneilious Part 2
The death of a generation.

We were in ST and those annoying maggot MOBs came straight at me on a pull. There must of been at least 6 of them because I was dead before I could react.


The group consequently died shorty after as I was the sole healer in the group. Luckily for us Corn worked his magic to pull off a little maneuver that I like to refer t as "The Chain Reaction".


The Chain Reaction is quite easy to pull off. All it requires is the proper timing and BAM your entire group along with all your hopes and dreams of getting a new blue and beating the game are GONE.

Step1. Wait for an inopportune time during the instance run: a wipe, someone D/C's, the runs getting really long and boring.
Step2. Begin the chain reaction by you yourself telling everyone your either going to go AFK or that your going to leave. You don't acctually have to do these things, just saying you will is enough to break the group's spirit and even more effective than acctually leaving.
Step3. Your name is Corneilious. And your a bastard.


And after I went through all the trouble to get him invited to come along! I swear he kept begging me to let him in the group so he could run ST with us but the others were like, "Na, we don't really need a Warrior." "Na, not Corn, that guy kinda smells like tuna." But I convinced everyone and got him an invite! I even have a screenshot as proof of all my hard work just for him!


He couldn't wait to get started in ST with us! And all just to turn on us midway and pull some Chain Reaction tactics.

For shame Corneilious!

How to run a successful raid

1. The noob-factor.
Noob-factor is always present and in today's current economy hovers around a steady 20%. What this means is you can assemble the most balanced group of the most experienced players to take them on a raid they've all done 100 times before (all in the name of a new blue and thus beating the game of course) but no matter what something will go wrong. At any given moment there is a 20% chance of someone noobing it up.

2. Cut their balls OFF.
The only way to combat the noob-factor and run a successful raid is with fear. Thats right, FEAR. You need to let your troops know that if they fuck up they might as well been born testicalless because your heading over to their house right now with a big pair of hedge clippers.

3. Furor new this best.
Furor (or Foror as he's know in WoW today) was the master of striking so much fear into his guild member's hearts that he ended up running one of the most succesful guilds in EverQuest history. Not only that but this guildleader was so successful he landed himself a job with Blizzard as a raid designer along with another famous EQ guildleader (known today as Tigule)

4. The Legacy of Legacy of Steel

LoS was Furor's guild. I'm still a big fan of his leadership skills today.
www.legacyofsteel.net/

and now for a new section to J-bo's Uber Adventures...
I HATE ROGAR (YAY)!

Top 3 reasons to hate Rogar are:
1. He did NOT invent the cleansweep.
2. Hanging out with him makes you want to punch a fat girl.
3. He loves ORKS!


Myrina, Drogan, and I are questing along and somehow we get into the situation of 2 OOM priests and a bear named Drogan who thinks he's bearly enough to eat 2 wolves at once.



The two wovles eventually eat his furry bear ass alive and then we all die. The reasoning for his actions can only be the result of one thing.


/Hippo

Go to uberguild.net/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=631 for the whole story (again you must be registered)


Drinks + Letters = Hippos


Only answer to an insult like that is to take it the ring. The spelling-bee ring that is. OMG!


The magic of Ibsen

Ibsen is the leader of our beloved Iron Circle and here is a brief insight into the man behind the constant RPing of MOBs before attcking them.

No really, I did AV with Ibsen once and we ended up leaving the main battle to go Role-play Harpies.
"Hail level 55 Harpie! I have come to vanquish thee!"
/attack

Then we got naked and went skinny dipping the hot spring near the Alliance zone-in. NO we did not watch Brokeback Mountain together! It was a very manly viking style skinny dipping. Okay.

This is how Ibsen really earns respect amoung his followers.










/Poor

Yep, I'm pretty damn poor, both in-game and IRL. But you suckas in your fancy ass cars and on your fancy ass mounts don't get half the excersize I do!

Yes I walk in RL too T_T.

Xtr33m

Have you ever wanted to take WoW to the next level? Wanted to go into the settings menu and put the game on 'hard mode'? Well, you can!


I've done it before with my Rogue but going 'hard mode' with a priest is SUPER XTR33M


Getting pumped for battle!


OMG ITS SO EXTREEM I DROPKICKED MY DOG



/cheeseburger
Americans are the only people in the world who eat cheeseburger. I can't imagine anyone in ohhh lets say India going into a Denny's and ordering a 3000 calorie, 5 pound cheeseburger, then regardless of having finished only half the burger and at this point being perfectly comfortable and well fed for the next four hours... they go ahead and eat the other half of the burger leaving Denny's so fucking stuffed that when they go to sit back down in their 6MPG SUV the force of bending their body puts just the slightest bit of pressure on their stomach and a little bit of hamburger throw up squirts up into your fat American throat. Yeah you know what I'm talking about.


Plus Drogan said he once punched a fat girl to steal her cheeseburger. I don't know if this was when he was a kid or right before he logged onto WoW that day. Neither would surpirse me much.

Saving Sharpbeak

We've all done this quest. Its an uber series that I believe starts in Hinterlands. Aeries Peak is the breeding grounds and training camp for all of the Alliance gryphons (you know the things we pay 5 silver to for the opportunity to stare at the computer screen and drool for 5 minutes while we wait to get to where we want to go so we can acctually beging to play the game). Anyway, for whatever reason one of the gryphons turns up missing and thus begins the series.

After 3 different zones, 5 quest, and 10 hours of your life you will never get back, you finaly find Sharpbeak and set him free from the vial trolls who captured him.


Sharpbeak is just a baby so once released his parents hear his cries and come to guide him back home (wait a fucking seond... why in the fuck did I just spend 10 hours running around searching for this little shit when all he had to do was call out and his parents would find him in 2 seconds?). Anyway, it turns out that Sharpbeak is being held high atop the troll mountain at the furthest point from Aeries Peak in the zone. So naturally after all this hard work of finding the poor helpless Sharpbeak, Myrina and I wanted a ride back to town. After all they are gryphons.


We didn't get one.


(@_@)

One time, at orc camp, I got so drunk I started saying shit I still can't remember.

Your guess is as good as mine.

How to spot a noob

We were LF1M to do the Sharpbeak quest and needed a tank. Smellybum here (a good friend of Guisecles) agreed to join. Now my first clue was the name. With a name like "Smellybum" theres no way on Azeroth you cannot be a total noob. But being the nice guy that I am I gave him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe hes just a real funny guy fond of the fart jokes right? Right? WRONG

Dood was a gadamn flaming nub. He wouldn't STFU the entire time; kept asking questions, "where are we going? hey can you share this quest? we there yet? where are we going? wow i wish we were on the same page here? hey can you share this quest? where are we going, this way right? hey can you hear me? my chat interface isnt working type /nod if you can hear me? omg my brother Guisecles just took a dump in the kitchen brb! omg where are we going?"

But its always good to make the best out of a bad situation, or in this case a flaming nub in our group. So, I decided to start a little game: Who could get Smellybum to ask the most questions?